Well it happened AGAIN! I was so determined this time and thought I was
on a LONG road to success, but I have fallen off the healthy lifestyle
wagon. Naturally, after the first of the year I decided to turn over a new leaf, so I totally transformed my lifestyle in order to be healthier. I really wanted to lose at least 50 pounds to start off with. I had purchased the Beachbody program, TurboFire last October and still had it in the cellophane in January. So starting the 2nd week of January I jumped right into my new lifestyle with more motivation and determination than ever before. I was logging my calories everyday for 3 months. I decided to go to a 90% Clean Eating diet and workout at least 6 days/week. I would say I was 95% on track during those 3 months. I gave up fast food, all pop (I was an avid Diet Coke drinker), and all processed foods. I felt so much better physically and mentally. See I was having some major stomach issues that started in October. I had every test under the sun to see what was going on with me. I was even seeing a gastroenterologist to find out what was wrong. He never once suggested that I change my diet, but put me on meds for acid reflux. Well, DUH I should have figured that out myself. I invested in numerous "clean eating" books, cookbooks, and products. I felt super, duper knowledgeable about this new lifestyle. I was inspired and ready to change my life forever.
With the fitness aspect, I really had to push myself. It was always the last thing that I wanted to do because it was so stressful to figure out how to do my workouts with the kids there. I went from working out after school (which never seemed to happen at a consistent time plus was so incredibly stressful because the kids were there and I had to do housework and get dinner started). I did this for 2 months and I finally couldn't handle it anymore. So then I pushed myself to wake up at 4:30 to workout. I did this for 2 weeks...I am not a morning person! Plus as I confessed earlier, I have a hard time getting to bed early so it waking up super early and going to bed late turned into an evil cycle and extreme exhaustion! Ugh! Then spring break came and it all fell a part my 2 kids and I were sick that whole week and it all fell a part from there.
I was determined to get back on track in April. I eventually did go to my Zumba class with my co-workers and started going to a Bootcamp class on Thursday nights. I did these both for a month. I even started running using Couch to 5K. I signed up for 2 5k races at the end of May and early June. I was feeling pretty good about my direction. Then allergy season hit...HARD! I was miserable, worse than ever before. I saw a doctor and she determined that I had a sinus infection on top of allergies. I was put on a very strong anti-biotic and started a new allergy med. It took 2 weeks, but I finally am starting to feel better besides the fact that I am completely exhausted. It is almost as bad as when I was pregnant (which by the way I am NOT...I promise!).
I am in a major funk. I have been here many, many times. Why? What makes this happen to me? I feel like I am on a roller coaster most days. I go from highly motivated one day to exhausted and depressed the next. I will share with you that I am currently taking meds for anxiety and depression which is something I have struggled with since college. I honestly don't think they help me at all. I have talked to my dr. about it and she wants me to ween off some of the meds and try some new options. It is just soooo frustrating. I also made the decision in October to get the IUD Mirena. Ummm....yeah big mistake! I honestly am convinced this is what has caused all my problems the past 6 months. My OB/GYN really sold me on the IUD and I did not do enough research on my own. Since I met my deductable last year, I was able to get it for free so I was convinced it was a win, win. Especially since Dustin and I were about 99% sure we didn't plan on expanding our family anymore. Now I am pretty sure I want to have it removed.
And one more thing....when visiting my dr. the other day she was trying to give me all this information about seeing a weightloss doctor and taking meds to lose weight. I FREAKED!!! This is not the route I want to take. I know this would not be a lifelong change for me. I started crying and thinking why has it come to this? I don't need meds...I am sooooo sick of meds! I just want to be healthy. I know what to do. WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT?
Ok so now that I have verbally vomited my frustrations to all of you....now what? I am a very intelligent woman, what the hell is wrong with me? I share all of this because I KNOW that some one out there has to have gone through this before or is currently going through this. Hopefully by being candid I can be a voice for other frustrated mothers who have lost a sense of who they are and mothers who have become someone they don't want to be. We are worth so much more right? Now I just have to believe it:)
And one more to make you laugh... I saw this picture a few months back it I could totally relate. It cracks me up.
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