Falling Off the Wagon AGAIN!

Well it happened AGAIN! I was so determined this time and thought I was on a LONG road to success, but I have fallen off the healthy lifestyle wagon. Naturally, after the first of the year I decided to turn over a new leaf, so I totally transformed my lifestyle in order to be healthier. I really wanted to lose at least 50 pounds to start off with. I had purchased the Beachbody program, TurboFire last October and still had it in the cellophane in January. So starting the 2nd week of January I jumped right into my new lifestyle with more motivation and determination than ever before. I was logging my calories everyday for 3 months. I decided to go to a 90% Clean Eating diet and workout at least 6 days/week. I would say I was 95% on track during those 3 months. I gave up fast food, all pop (I was an avid Diet Coke drinker), and all processed foods. I felt so much better physically and mentally. See I was having some major stomach issues that started in October. I had every test under the sun to see what was going on with me. I was even seeing a gastroenterologist to find out what was wrong. He never once suggested that I change my diet, but put me on meds for acid reflux. Well, DUH I should have figured that out myself. I invested in numerous "clean eating" books, cookbooks, and products. I felt super, duper knowledgeable about this new lifestyle. I was inspired and ready to change my life forever.

With the fitness aspect, I really had to push myself. It was always the last thing that I wanted to do because it was so stressful to figure out how to do my workouts with the kids there. I went from working out after school (which never seemed to happen at a consistent time plus was so incredibly stressful because the kids were there and I had to do housework and get dinner started). I did this for 2 months and I finally couldn't handle it anymore. So then I pushed myself to wake up at 4:30 to workout. I did this for 2 weeks...I am not a morning person! Plus as I confessed earlier, I have a hard time getting to bed early so it waking up super early and going to bed late turned into an evil cycle and extreme exhaustion! Ugh! Then spring break came and it all fell a part my 2 kids and I were sick that whole week and it all fell a part from there.

I was determined to get back on track in April. I eventually did go to my Zumba class with my co-workers and started going to a Bootcamp class on Thursday nights. I did these both for a month. I even started running using Couch to 5K. I signed up for 2 5k races at the end of May and early June. I was feeling pretty good about my direction. Then allergy season hit...HARD! I was miserable, worse than ever before. I saw a doctor and she determined that I had a sinus infection on top of allergies. I was put on a very strong anti-biotic and started a new allergy med. It took 2 weeks, but I finally am starting to feel better besides the fact that I am completely exhausted. It is almost as bad as when I was pregnant (which by the way I am NOT...I promise!).

I am in a major funk. I have been here many, many times. Why? What makes this happen to me? I feel like I am on a roller coaster most days. I go from highly motivated one day to exhausted and depressed the next. I will share with you that I am currently taking meds for anxiety and depression which is something I have struggled with since college. I honestly don't think they help me at all. I have talked to my dr. about it and she wants me to ween off some of the meds and try some new options. It is just soooo frustrating. I also made the decision in October to get the IUD Mirena. Ummm....yeah big mistake! I honestly am convinced this is what has caused all my problems the past 6 months. My OB/GYN really sold me on the IUD and I did not do enough research on my own. Since I met my deductable last year, I was able to get it for free so I was convinced it was a win, win. Especially since Dustin and I were about 99% sure we didn't plan on expanding our family anymore. Now I am pretty sure I want to have it removed.

And one more thing....when visiting my dr. the other day she was trying to give me all this information about seeing a weightloss doctor and taking meds to lose weight. I FREAKED!!! This is not the route I want to take. I know this would not be a lifelong change for me. I started crying and thinking why has it come to this? I don't need meds...I am sooooo sick of meds! I just want to be healthy. I know what to do. WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT?

Ok so now that I have verbally vomited my frustrations to all of you....now what? I am a very intelligent woman, what the hell is wrong with me? I share all of this because I KNOW that some one out there has to have gone through this before or is currently going through this. Hopefully by being candid I can be a voice for other frustrated mothers who have lost a sense of who they are and mothers who have become someone they don't want to be. We are worth so much more right? Now I just have to believe it:)

 And one more to make you laugh... I saw this picture a few months back it I could totally relate. It cracks me up.

Monday, Monday....

I must confess I stay up entirely too late. It is a time that I spend by myself, quiet, and catching up on blogging, a little social media, news updates, email, etc. It is something that I look forward to each day, but unfortunately I usually end up paying the price in the morning when I am overly exhausted.

Today was a pretty good day. It felt like summer here in Ohio. We enjoyed a 90 degree day in May. I must confess we have the AC on tonight and it feels AMAZING! When I got home tonight the last thing I wanted to do was be in the kitchen especially with how hot it was outside. So we ended up having leftovers (hot dogs)...so NOT nutritious, but yet so yummy especially when prepared on the grill. We also had a TON of fresh fruit that we picked up at the grocery store yesterday...pineapple, strawberries, melon, and grapes. It was light and enjoyable for a hot day. The kids did not complain and ate better than usual. We then spent the rest of the evening outside. I realized that I can be very selfish sometimes. Why you ask...well because instead of just enjoying the moment with my kiddos, I am sooooo focused on the next thing on my to-do list. I hardly ever just play with my kids. This is something I must change. There is something extremely magical about playing with your kids and the joy they have when you focus all of your energy on them. I just love those babes to pieces and they make my heart melt into soup. Although I didn't check off many things on my to do list, I made memories...those are priceless.

My day at school was pretty exciting too. I found out that there is a really good chance that I will have my own classroom next year. For the past 6 years, I have always had to share a room with another Special Ed teacher which is no big deal, but there is just something about having your own classroom environment. It will be year 3 of moving classrooms, but luckily I have really downsized all of my materials to what I actually use so the move shouldn't be too bad. Also, there were a few other positive things that happened today at school that took a huge amount of weight off my shoulders. Thank the Lord:) Most importantly, I realized that God has truly blessed me with a new and amazing friendship with one of my fellow teachers. She is literally my rock most days and has become such a "true" friend. This is something I have struggled to find my entire adult life. I don't know what I would do without her each day:)

Ok must get off to bed. I cannot wait to share some more interesting things with all of you this week. I have soooo much on my mind so look for many posts this week. Thanks for taking the time to read:)

Raising an Almost 4 Year Old Daughter....AHHHH!

My Sweet Angel Baby

Aubrey Rose....oh how I love this little ray of sunshine. She has really taught me so much about life and being a parent. She has especially taught me a lot about using patience. I don't know who came up with the "terrible two's," but I would have to debate that year three is a LOT more challenging.
Aubrey has been a tester of patience since day one. I remember for the first month of her life pacing the house for hours each night while she screamed bloody murder. She hated being swaddled, held, using a pacifier, being in a swing, baby carrier, etc. Nothing made her happy. After almost losing my mind, I took her back to the doctor and demanded that they tell me what was wrong with my sweet baby girl. Finally, it was determined that she had a milk allergy. Within two days of me changing my diet to dairy-free while breastfeeding, I had a happy baby. Thank the Lord:)

My little  cutie pie

Year one and two were pretty calm for the most part. Aubrey was a typical toddler, getting her many bumps and bruises. She took her first steps on my birthday 2010 at 9 months. She loved to read Brown Bear, Brown Bear and had it memorized by 18 months. She could talk in full sentences from 18 months on. Potty training took one week and I can count on one hand the number of accidents she has had since. Her toddler years went by so incredibly fast which makes me sad just thinking about it.

Aubrey on her "big girl" bed made by her Uncle Tyler

Everything changed when Aubrey turned 3 this past summer. She became a strong-willed, independent, opinionated, imaginative preschooler. Oh my was I in for it. Over the past 10 months, we have been on a wild ride with our princess. The worst of it is bedtime. She would become the devil child at bedtime. We were always tried to be very consistent with our routine, but since she was our first born and the only child for 2 1/2 years my husband and I would let Aubrey fall asleep on the couch with us while we were watching TV. This worked against us when we wanted her to start falling asleep in her own bed. Then prior to Maverick being born we switched her into a toddler bed first in the nursery and then in her new "big girl" room." This also turned into a nightmare. We went for a month straight of a screaming child and major meltdowns at bedtime. My husband and I were stressed out and not getting sleep. Many nights she ended up in our bed or we would sleep on her floor just to get some rest. It was terrible.

Sometime before Maverick's birth, it finally got better and she was sleeping in a twin size bed in her own room every night. Every now and then Aubrey will still wake up in the middle of the night with night terrors or give us a hard time with going to bed, but it is no where near as bad as before.

Aubrey enjoys licking the cookie batter off the spatula

More than ever Aubrey seems to be pushing the limits with Dustin and I. The littlest thing sets her off into a meltdown. She makes herself cry so hard she starts gagging. It drives me crazy.  I feel like we have tried everything...ignoring her, time-out, spanking, taking things away, going to bed early and nothing really works. The biggest meltdowns lately have been happening during bath time. She freaks when it comes time to wash her hair. I use tear free shampoo, but no matter how many times I tell her it won't hurt her eyes, she won't believe me. I have tried many different techniques to make sure no amount of soap suds get into her eyes, but she will thrash around and it always ends up happening anyways. Other sources of meltdowns are dinner and mornings times. Dinnertime is usually troublesome because Aubrey can be quite the picky eater. I am always just happy when she eats anything at all and my husband demands that she eat everything on her plate. Once she gets yelled at by dad it's all over. Dinner is ruined and Aubrey isn't going to eat ANYTHING. Grrr! Mornings can be hit or miss. You never know which Aubrey you are going to get. Some mornings she is just fine and gets out of bed with no troubles and other mornings she is a whiny mess from the get-go. It is a battle to get her out of bed, dressed, and her hair done. A lot of times, it turns into a wrestling match. Then she usually hates the clothes I pick out for her to wear, she doesn't want me to brush her hair or do anything cute with it.

Aubrey's 3 year old preschool Mother's Day program 2013

Not sure if any of you can relate to this craziness. I know this is all normal stuff that many moms deal with.  I am absolutely blessed to have two beautiful children and couldn't imagine one day without them. Even though every day is an adventure, I wouldn't change it for the world. Many days I just have to let some things go and laugh it off. Otherwise I would lose my mind, right?

Spring Cleaning, Garage Sales, and No More Babies?

So the past few weeks have been very busy around the Malott house. We have been in super spring (almost summer) cleaning mode. For the past two years, I knew I needed to have a garage sale, but never seemed to fit it into the schedule. This summer it is happening! I have set a date already and have started to get a game plan together. I absolutely cannot believe how much crap we have accumulated in the 6 short years that we have lived in this house. It is insane! I am going to guess anywhere between 30-40 boxes worth of stuff. My husband has been great about moving all of it to the garage for me to start going through during the next couple of weeks. Ugh! IT is going to be quite the job. Do I think it is going to be worth it? I am not so sure. I do know that I have researched how to have a successful garage sale and have taken some notes. I am no amateur to the garage sale world though...I attend garage sales regularly from May to August and also grew up in a home that had a huge garage sale every summer. I am just hoping that I will be able to get rid of a lot of stuff and make a little cash too. I am trying to decided where to take everything that doesn't sell. I will probably end up taking it to Goodwill, but I wonder if there are other organizations around here that could utilize some of the clothing and housewares.

The biggest stress with this whole garage sale business is the decision to sell all the baby gear, clothing, and maternity clothing. I am seriously having an emotional breakdown every time that I think about selling all of it. It just makes everything seem so final to me. Dustin and I have talked a gazillion times about whether or not to have more kids and the discussion usually ends with no definite decision. We know we are more than happy with our two beautiful children and that most days the two of them more than enough for us to handle. Then but there are those times that make me super, duper sad because I will never be pregnant again or  never experiencing that amazing moment of the first time the doctor lays your newborn child on your chest (seriously that moment makes me cry every single time I think about it or see it on TV). So needless to say I will be doing a bit more thinking about this during the next few weeks.

The biggest reason that we are purging so much of our unused belongings is because of recently attending an seminar/training event called "First Steps to Success." I am not sure if you have ever heard of Dani Johnson, but if you haven't you may want to check out her website danijohnson.com. I will have to save details about the event for another post because there is just so much that I want to say about it. The event changed my life and my husbands for that matter. It really opened our eyes to so much about what we need to do to be more successful in life. So this brought us to sell everything that we no longer need, living with less, and getting on track financially.

Just in case you can't believe how much junk we have to sell, I have included some pictures. This is only half of it. I literally have about 20 more boxes in the attic including mostly baby clothes. I will post the other items that I am going to sell just in case my junk could be a treasure to you.

And so it begins...

I cannot even begin to tell how long I have wanted to start my very own blog! I started following a few blogs about a year ago and since then I dreamed of creating my own page where I too could inspire women, make them laugh, and tell stories of life. With some encouragement from a friend, I decided to go for it. It took me about a week to come up with a name that I felt fit my personality and the overall theme I wanted to portray on my blog. MaMa-lott naturally worked:) Now came the fun tedious, pain-in-the-butt  part of designing my blog page. For someone who has a super hard time making decisions this is going to be a work in progress for sure. I guess every blogger has to start somewhere right? The easiest part of this new experience for me is going to be what to write about. The bottom line is I want somewhere to tell my story. Most of the time I feel like people just don't get me. I am kind of a complicated person, but this is all a part of who I am. I also feel like so much of what I struggle with, what I think about, what I overcome are all things that so many other mothers/women go through on a day-to-day basis. Why not share it with others? Who knows, maybe, just maybe, I will be able to influence, inspire, or even calm one person out there to think,"Oh thank goodness it's not just me!" To me that would be all I'd ever want to do with this blog. Hopefully, I can make a few people smile and laugh along the way. When it comes to any specific talents or skills that I can share with others through this blog, I don't really have one per say. I really kind of dabble in many different things...organization, teaching, fitness, healthy living, motherhood, and fashion just to name a few. Maybe one of these things interests you, maybe not. Either way, I hope you will come with me on this wild and crazy adventure. I am so excited to share this with all of you!